Thursday, October 23, 2008

5 years....

is not nearly long enough to let a mommy or daddy forget those fat cheeks and cute smiles. i miss Matthew so much, and this year feels like the grief is starting all over again. not sure why maybe it will come and go forever? maybe it is because everyone else moves on from the passing and can "forget" but not me i feel like everyday i miss him more than the one before.
5 years ago seems like 5 minutes ago i can remember everything about that day. i can remember what we all were wearing, what the 911 dispatcher said to me. who came to the hospital, when the coroner had to question me about all the details and i could feel his sadness for us. i remember crying in the hospital room begging for them to make him breath i was screaming out loud my prayers "lord if it is your will PLEASE let Matthew breath, please" they all stood there and watched police, ambulance, doctors, janitors, nurses, etc... there were so many people in there i can remember there faces. the police officer who first got to my house sat there and cried. later he told me he had 3 babies at home who he would never look at the same he would cherish them so much more. the 911 dispatcher was so sweet she sent me flowers to say she was praying for me. so many people reached out to us by bringing food, cards, and just offered to listen.....see i seemed in such a fog at the time but then everything seemed so vivid to me.
i wish no one would ever have to go through the death of a child but they do and i cant imagine them going through it without the Lord, i cant fathom the grief when there is no hope that you will someday be reunited with those that you love. that is what i long for the day when i will see Matthew again and hold him in my arms. until then Jesus is holding him and i will go kiss my other babies good night...............


  1. Oh Raquel, I am so sorry. {{{{{{{ }}}}}}} What a glorious day indeed when you and Matthew are reunited and you can hold him once again!

  2. We love you guys...and we've been thinking about you...


  3. I'm so sorry for your loss. I remember that day too. [BIG HUG]

  4. Raquel, I am lifting you up in prayer right now.

    At out last MOPS meeting, our hospitality gal had everyone who had lost a child come up and light a tealight and we prayed for them all. There were so many, probably 20 or so- I was stunned. Like you, I can't fathom how anyone could get through the loss of a child without the Lord.

  5. Thinking of you... So sad. I can't even imagine

  6. Crying and praying for you. I never got to meet him and I am so sad for that, but I feel like I know his sweet spirit somehow. He was so blessed to have you guys as his family, even for that much too short time.