This morning i went for my infusion and when i got home none of the stuff i asked to be done with the exception of Liz's was done. We had like 10 minutes before we had to leave for enrichment and to drop Jake off at my moms and i rushed through the house hollering for things to get done i wanted to just start the day over but i didn't i just barked orders and we headed out the door. In the car i preceded to lecture my kids on all the things i have asked them to do a million times and i just don't understand why if i am not right in there view they can not do. these were all easy things, put the laundry in the laundry room, get dressed, make your bed etc.
i told them they would no longer watch TV if those things were not done, they would not get to do fun things like scouts, awanas etc. i may have even said they may never have fun again ever yay i am a bit dramatic at times. Liz started to cry (she is 12 that is not out of the norm) which was silly since i had already told her this did not pertain to her much but she is a 12 year old girl and she truly exhibits her 12 year oldness at times HA! well after we took the little kids to moms i began to feel bad, here they are on there way to school and i am hounding them about clothes, and activities and attitudes. and sure i had validity to my frustration but it probably wasn't the right time.
so i switched gears. i did something i don't normally do i told them my heart i told them how i loved them so much and it hurt my heart with they blatantly lied or disrespected me and/or there dad. i told them how i love to see them laugh, have fun, enjoy activities etc but it is really hard to bless them with those things when they constantly do the opposite of what is told. then we prayed i prayed over each one of them and for myself and there dad.
i truly love my kids. too many days i start off on the wrong foot, i am very Type A lets get things done off the list and keep going but i have to remember they are kids i cant expect adult responses and actions all the time. We love our kids love to bless them, love to see them happy, it truly is one of the greatest joys of being a mom and it is very hard not over giving or rewarding for behaviour that is not acceptable.
Then i realized as the day went on i am sure God thinks like that as our dad: wow i love this girl Raquel and i want to bless her with all these things but she keeps acting so babyish maybe now is not the right time for that blessing.... just wondering. He blesses me all the time when i don't deserve it, actually i probably never deserve it but since he loves me so much he sees pass those flaws and at the real person i am and can be. i hope i can do the same at times with my kids. the point of today was i am so thankful for the grace God gives me, i am so undeserving....