my kids...

Every time i get close to having a baby i start to panic you know all the what if's running through my mind. This will be my 5th c-section so of course i have been warned about all the risks and possibilities. I normally begin to panic very early in pregnancy this time i have done really well i am sure it is because i have been up front with many friends who i know are praying for me to have peace i was always ashamed before but that did me no good so this time i shared and cried and they listened and they are praying... Tonight i was laying with Lilly and talking to her about tomorrow and our plans and just enjoying our night and it hit... what if???? When she went to her bed i bawled my eyes out and John let me without getting upset at me or telling me i was crazy. i told him i am scared and i try to think of the things i would want him to pass on just in case something happens.... The main things i would want him to tell them EVERY day is

1. I love each of these kids so much, my heart could burst i am so proud of them all so different yet so cool! Aside from being John's wife there is no other title on earth i love more than "mom"
2. Jesus has big big plans for each of them
3. Be who you should be, don't aim low make big goals and go after them God is calling them to be different don't take the easy road. Work hard and love life

Jake is a funny kid.. literally. He is also very persistent and likes things to be fair. He loves to snuggle and needs to hear he is doing a great job the boy needs encouragement and words. i tell him i love him all the time he needs to hear it constantly.

Johnathan is my "original" child he is what some what consider a typical middle child, he likes to be with people... on his terms. This kid needs space, he enjoys being alone and likes to play make believe still even at 10. He is a thinker loves math and science and likes to figure out how things work, he retains information great! 

Oh Lilly.... this girl has my heart. We are so much alike it is not funny, we are passionate, loud and outspoken. I tell John that if something were to happen to me it makes me sad that Lilly will never remember me =( She needs lots of time, she likes to talk and be heard, she likes things her way and her way only and she is OBSESSED with animals (we are not a like in this area i am NOT a animal person at all) 

David is my strong sensitive kid. He puts on a strong front but is probably my most sensitive kid, he gets his feelings hurt easily. he needs time and lots of it he likes to ask questions and he will tell you EVERY.single.detail. of his day seriously he needs to do this its how he connects

oh my sweet Liz. If i could just take a second and tell you how proud i am of this girl she is like the best parts of John and I to make a amazing human being she is kind, compassionate and caring like her dad, she is competitive, a finisher and dedicated like myself. Liz needs encouragement she gets down on herself when she shouldn't she is AMAZING and she is going to do so many cool things i just know it. and most importantly she loves Jesus, like really does love him. I pray for her constantly 15 is a rough age and when you are quiet it can be tough to get lost in the shuffle of others especially high schoolers but i think she is going to come out on top and have a incredible life she wants to travel the world, serve others and make a difference she will i know it!

I hope this post wasn't a downer its just what is on my heart and i need to remind myself of all the great thins my kids have going on because hello the days are long sometimes. I have 3 weeks until this baby boy enters our life i cant wait to see what he will be like, based on my other kids i am pretty sure he is going to be awesome!